Written by Gayle Gruenberg, the founder of Let’s Get Organized..
Do you make mistakes? Are there things you try to do, feel you don’t do them well, and think you are a complete failure because of it? When this happens do you give up, fall into a depression, and retreat into yourself? Do you say things like, “I’m so stupid!” or “I’m not good enough” or “How could anyone love me?”
What’s at the heart of this perfectionism? It could be messages received in childhood, like if someone was not perfectly behaved or didn’t get perfect grades, they were told they were worthless or felt unloved. It could have been a traumatic event that triggered a certain limiting belief system, or any number of other causes. These messages were internalized and formed a belief about self that caused perfectionist behavior – fear of being judged, making mistakes, and a deep lack of confidence.
We are so good at beating ourselves up. If we listen to how we talk to ourselves, the words we say and the tone we use, we would cringe if we ever overheard someone speaking that way to someone else. How many times a day do you recriminate yourself mercilessly for some small, perceived mistake? You may not even realize that you’re doing it. And you may not realize the effect that it has on you – your mind, body, and spirit.
“Imagine that you’re injecting yourself with a highly toxic substance every single time you think a negative thought about yourself.”
Consider these Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) about yourself as poison. Imagine that you’re injecting yourself with a highly toxic substance every single time you think a negative thought about yourself. Even one tiny drop of a poisonous negative thought takes hold and spreads like lightning, infecting and infusing all other thoughts, emotions, impulses, and every part of your body with its toxicity. It enters your blood, nerves, and breath and invades your tissues. You create narrow neural pathways that shut out any other thoughts or feelings. You stop caring for yourself physically. You retreat from contact with other people. Maybe you stop working. You become negativity incarnate.
Now what would happen if you mindfully caught yourself having those negative thoughts the moment you have them and consciously turned them into Automatic Positive Thoughts?
What if you remembered to forgive yourself, and that you are human, a fallible being, who can learn from making mistakes? What if you asked yourself, “Is that negative thought I had about myself actually true? Am I really a useless waste of space?” What if you said to yourself, “No it isn’t and no I’m not?” Then added, “I am a worthwhile person, with value, strengths, and talents. I make mistakes and I learn from them. I am exceptionally good at the skills I have; I don’t have to be excellent at everything. I can get help with things I don’t do well.”
Your body would relax. Your mind would clear. Your cells would flood with endorphins. You would bring oxygen to your brain, muscles, and tissues. You would create neural pathways that allow for creative thinking and possibility. These pathways would get strengthened, and your brain would literally change. When you change your brain, you change your life. Gone are the days of automatic self-recrimination, shaming, and hiding from the world. Now you can move through the world with confidence, grace, and a feeling of great capability.