Written by Gayle Gruenberg, the founder of Let’s Get Organized..
Is perfectionism holding you back from being organized?
You may be saying, “Hey! Wait a minute, Gayle. How could I be a perfectionist and be disorganized? Isn’t that a contradiction?” Not necessarily. Some people feel that if they can’t do something perfectly, they may as well not do it at all, so they don’t even try.
What’s at the heart of this perfectionism? It could be messages received in childhood, like if someone was not perfectly behaved or didn’t get perfect grades, they were told they were worthless or felt unloved. It could have been a traumatic event that triggered a certain limiting belief system, or any number of other causes. These messages were internalized and formed a belief about self that caused perfectionist behavior – fear of being judged, making mistakes, and a deep lack of confidence.
Setting high standards of achievement for oneself is one thing, but intense pressure to be flawless, and expecting the same of others, can rob someone of everything else life has to offer: time, money, internal peace, good health, close relationships, and just feeling happy.
With regard to organizing, people exhibiting perfectionism may feel that if they don’t have the perfect container, phone app, or time-keeping system, they feel like a failure. They may purchase every possible storage item, calendar, or device, find them lacking in some way, and then toss them aside in a pile, never deigning to look at them again, until the piles threaten to overtake a home or office. Systems are therefore never created.
The lack of systems can yield an internal and external environment of chaos and disorganization, further leading to feelings of not being good enough, and causing a vicious cycle.
“Living up to a potentially unrealistic standard of behavior can create an unbearable amount of interpersonal friction. ”
Perfectionism can be very time-consuming. Devoting prolonged intense focus on one thing, such as constantly revising a written work or artistic creation to the exclusion of everything else, can leave a wake of clutter, undone tasks and projects, and neglected self-care.
Expecting the same high level of performance, focus, or detail-orientation from family, friends, and romantic partners as a perfectionist expects of oneself can sabotage even the most loving and understanding relationships. Living up to a potentially unrealistic standard of behavior, especially in someone who may be more tolerant of imperfection, can create an unbearable amount of interpersonal friction.
In the absence of a serious underlying condition, such as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, striving for excellence rather than perfection is one way to overcome the stress induced by perfectionism. Learning to forgive oneself and accepting oneself as “perfectly imperfect” takes practice, insight, and a commitment to change.
In concert with mental health professionals, professional organizers work with clients to overcome perfectionism. We teach them how to create systems so they begin to understand that done is better than perfect and can live a life that lets them feel confident, calm, and in control.