Written by Linda Mitchell, the founder of Living Inspired Coaching.
What’s your gut reaction when someone judges you? Do you get angry, feel bad about yourself, internalize the comments, or change course to avoid further judgement? What if you had an effective strategy to help release upset and overcome the fear being judged?
Words have power. They can leave you feeling hurt and vulnerable. Other peoples’ judgement can negatively impact your opinion of yourself. You may begin doubting yourself and your decisions. Confidence crumbles and ultimately leads to fear of being judged, fear of making mistakes or fear of taking risks - this can negatively impact your relationships, jobs, social lives and of course, your self-esteem. It’s one of the foremost reasons I see people shy away from following their dreams or using their unique talents. Fear of being judged keeps people from feeling free to be their authentic selves, which keeps them from enjoying life to its fullest and stepping out to make the important contributions they’re destined to.
Here are some proven tips to help overcome this very real fear.
Learn your strengths and limitations. Once you’re clear on them, you’re less likely to be affected by what others say. Judgements become somewhat irrelevant when you know what you’re capable of. If someone uses unkind words about something you’ve worked on, and you know it’s not one of your strongest talents, you can more easily dismiss it.
Avoid looking for approval from others and be content with self-approval. Start celebrating all your successes, big and little, and really feel how good self-approval feels. Or tackle something you’ve been avoiding. Once it’s done, stop and notice how satisfying it feels. Starting or deepening a spiritual practice helps too. Spending time alone reflecting or journaling on your strengths inspires feeling good about yourself, your successes and your decisions and bolsters you against harsh judgements. This kind of consistent, positive reassurance helps overcome the fear of being judged.
“What we focus on expands, so be sure you’re not giving priority to the negative thoughts! ”
When you feel judged ask yourself: Was that person well enough informed to judge you fairly? Were their comments true? Do you truly value their opinion? Sadly, sometimes people are jealous of your achievements, and may judge you harshly to make themselves feel better.
Be very aware of your inner critic. That little voice in your head can become deafening so it’s important to recognize when negative thoughts creep in. If you let others’ judgements join your own negative self-talk, it’s much harder to deflect it. Instead of letting it cloud your own perceptions, remember and appreciate your value and worth.
Don’t dwell on the harsh words. Even though it hurts in the moment, the memory will fade more quickly if you don’t ruminate over it. What we focus on expands, so be sure you’re not giving priority to the negative thoughts! Remember, sometimes things just come out wrong. Give others the benefit of the doubt and realize they probably weren’t intentionally trying to hurt you.
Here’s an effective strategy to quickly deflect hurtful judgements in the moment and keep yourself from internalizing them. Create and practice an empowering phrase to avoid getting offended. It might sound something like: “Well that’s very interesting! What a unique perspective you bring; I see the situation differently but really, thanks for your input.” Remember, everyone has an opinion. Some you’ll agree with and some you won’t. Your opinion of yourself and your work is the most important.
It’s valuable to recall times you’ve taken risks that paid off in a positive way. Remind yourself of all your accomplishments, especially when you’re embarking on something outside of your comfort zone or you’re not as sure of yourself as you would otherwise be. Release judgements and do what feels right for you despite what others may say because being true to yourself will always pay off!