Written by Ken Druck, PhD
My beloved daughter, Jenna, embarked on a once-in-a-lifetime adventure, traveling through India. Tragically, she lost her life in a bus accident, just 45 minutes away from the Taj Mahal, a symbol of eternal love. I received that devastating phone call from the State Department in my Del Mar, California home, and the pain was excruciating. Jenna's death shattered my world, and I believed that joy was forever out of reach.
Fast forward 27 years, and I find myself sitting on the beach, wrapped in a towel, with my three-year-old grandson, Stone. He gazes at cloud dolphins, offering a moment of rare stillness. I've learned to slow him down by creating imaginative stories together, much like the one we share that day at the beach. The love and joy I felt in that moment were unimaginable when Jenna passed away.
"How we go on" is a question that resonates with us daily. It's a profound inquiry that has intrigued philosophers, theologians, and thinkers throughout history. Our choices in navigating life's challenges and transitions define us and shape our relationships, faith, and resilience.
In my new book, How We Go On, I explore the crucial role of self-compassion and self-care in our journey through life. Self-compassion has been the cornerstone of my life's work for over four decades, as it has the power to transform our relationships, create deeper meaning, and nurture spiritual growth.
“Through self-compassion and self-care, we can find joy even in the face of adversity, allowing us to live with courage, gratitude, and compassion. ”
Here are 10 simple steps to enhance self-compassion and live a more fulfilling life:
1. Self-Audit: Assess your inner critic and the negative self-talk that holds you back. Identify patterns of self-criticism and work on changing them.
2. Hand on Your Heart: Practice self-compassion by physically placing your hand on your heart and embracing kindness, patience, and self-love.
3. Defeat Self-Compassion Saboteurs: Recognize and neutralize the inner voices that undermine self-compassion. Challenge beliefs that equate self-compassion with weakness.
4. Thought Stopping: When negative thoughts arise, use "Thought Stopping" techniques to prevent yourself from spiraling into self-criticism.
5. Leave the Courtroom: Imagine your inner critic as a prosecutor in a courtroom. Step out and enter the hall of justice, where you treat yourself with respect, fairness, and kindness.
6. Boost Esteem and Confidence: Daily, acknowledge your accomplishments and accept compliments without deflecting or downplaying them.
7. Elevate Others: Make an effort to appreciate and acknowledge the people in your life. Spread kindness and compassion, becoming an ambassador of goodwill.
8. Self-Compassion: Show yourself love by indulging in activities you enjoy or setting boundaries that prioritize your well-being.
9. Pay It Forward: Transform your self-compassion into acts of kindness and generosity towards others, making the world a better place.
10. Embrace Loving-Kindness: The journey from self-condemnation to loving-kindness brings limitless opportunities for a fulfilling life.
"How we go on" is a profound question that shapes our lives. Through self-compassion and self-care, we can find joy even in the face of adversity, allowing us to live with courage, gratitude, and compassion. These ten simple steps offer a roadmap to a more meaningful and fulfilling life, where we not only heal ourselves but also contribute to making the world a kinder place.
About the Author:
Dr. Ken Druck is one of the nation's leading grief and resilience experts. Since losing his own daughter in a tragic accident, and later working with families after 9/11, Sandy Hook, and Columbine, he has dedicated his life to helping others learn how to face hardships and navigate life’s daily ups and downs. Dr. Druck is a bestselling author of more than a dozen books, including his latest, How We Go On: Self-Compassion, Courage, and Gratitude on the Path Forward. He is a recipient of the prestigious Distinguuished Contribution to Psychology award, and a global speaker.