Written by Nadia Davis
The word "home" evokes many different things in each of us. When we think of it literally, memories from childhood might come up, such as that one yummy meal often gobbled up, a favorite play spot, or perhaps that singular hiding place to escape it all. In adulthood, with added roles and responsibilities, home becomes the four walls we adore because they set us apart from the rest of the world, which always seems to be demanding something of us. Whatever comes up, what should "home" have felt like? What should it be?
A place where you can be you! A place without fear of rejection, abandonment, or judgment. A space where the literally of society's behavior protocols, expectations, and roles we must fit into perfectly don't exist. Sounds non-existent right? Even within our own four walls. A home within you is a deeper, non-physical space that offers refuge, serenity, and clarity, which anyone can obtain within their heart.
For much of my life, I lived entirely on mental intrigues and understandings that we are just bodies and the thoughts our minds make. While I most certainly believed in a God, that deity was separate from me, that is, until I had a near-death experience. "It" is an infinite, all-knowing space where no fear or judgment exists, time is not linear, and everything, good and bad, makes sense. You'd think this experience would've kept me connected to something beyond us. But, with 22 broken bones, a punctured lung, and a bleeding brain, during recovery, my mind went into high gear with many fears and judgments demanding I prove my worth had not changed in the world due to the accident. All the while, it took a mighty toll I failed to recognize for years to come.
I did not know yet that our minds are survivalists in nature, creating a gazillion thoughts a minute based on fear and judgment of self and others. Most importantly, I did not yet discover that they separate us from the only truth that matters - we are all infinite beings, whole, divine, and complete in our truest form!
Most of us do not learn this concept nor how to nurture it when we are young, let alone before painful things start to happen and shape our minds. Our mind did its job. We do our best and often thrive, in varying survival, modes, praising the grit, blood, and sweat it takes to succeed in life. I did this far into adulthood! It worked until unaddressed trauma and losses reared their ugly heads back to back and out of the blue.
“A home within you is a deeper, non-physical space that offers refuge, serenity, and clarity, which anyone can obtain within their heart. ”
When struggling with mental health, addiction, chronic pain, or anything else, we often don't know where to start on the healing and grounding journey. We keep trying things outside us, often to the bitter end, constantly yearning to feel safe and calm within ourselves.
The grounding center's starting point is within us – home is within you. It is the point between our survivalist mind and spiritual truth. Here, we can see the thoughts for what they are, remembering our mind's survivalist nature. Most thoughts will reveal themselves as fear-based, what we see as threats to our values, roles, identity, and purpose here in this life. They often turn into the judgment of self and others. Shame and shaming are born here. Most importantly, these thoughts reduce, even diminish, our way back home to the truth by denying it in the first place.
Through years of trauma and addiction recovery, I suffered terribly, buried in shame and public shaming. Thankfully, I found a solid road back home through kundalini yoga and intensive trauma therapy, lifting layers of core wounds my mind held onto tightly, triggering me. By acknowledging and reducing fears and judgments within, shame lessened, building a shield against the effects of outside shaming.
You, too, can create a home within. It is a space of empowerment where our minds no longer eat at the connection to the only truth that matters - we are infinite beings of love, light, and warmth that nothing can change or hide. Our true self remains the same, no matter what anyone says or does to us, including ourselves. Here we are empowered and able to choose love (spirit, soul) over fear and judgment (mind, ego) every day. In the space of love, we acknowledge everyone is merely doing the best they can in these bodies with these minds, for now. This is where, when, and how all shame and shaming can end!
Once we've cultivated a connection to our truth within, we can let go of trying to figure things out on our thoughts alone. We are elevated beyond troubles, and everything begins to resolve itself. It is a space to connect anytime, anywhere, and under any circumstances, no matter where you are in your recovery journey and if you're not on one!
All pain and suffering disappear by taking refuge in a Home Within You. This adventure we call life becomes a journey of further discovering our hearts and souls through ups and downs, thereby walking authentically and wholeheartedly with others.
If we believe we're truly worthy of love and support, we are more likely to pick up the phone, go to a meeting, and open up vulnerably, sharing life's pain.
If we advocate for our truth and spirit within, it is more likely others' shaming words will bounce off us or at least not take us on a shame-train ride inside.
If we know the only truth at matters - we are all infinite spirits, whole, divine, and complete - it is more likely we won't project our fears and judgments and shame others.
Nadia Davis is a mom, attorney, victims’ rights advocate, kundalini yoga instructor, and author of Home Is Within You: A Memoir of Recovery and Redemption. She is a survivor of trauma and abuse, a near fatal car accident, addiction, and public shaming. Nadia has a lifetime record of passionate work and of dedication to improving the lives of others. She has received numerous awards for her work. Nadia has a BA from UCLA and a JD from Loyola Law School.