I’m a control freak. There … I said it. I like everything to be in perfect order. I have a difficult time when there is a mess in my surroundings or in my life. Being a person who is addicted to certainty is manageable when everything goes as planned. But what happens when life throws a curveball? That’s when things get interesting!
As a driven, type A personality, I made sure it was all in order. College … marriage … two kids … a house with a fence … money in the bank. I left nothing to chance. There was always a master plan.
Then, one day without warning, it all began to unravel. At first it wasn’t anything major, a few issues here and there. But before long, piece by piece, my life fell apart. And when it did, I didn’t know how to cope. I was a person who was addicted to certainty and everything was out of my control. Fear of the unknown consumed me.
As I moved through the challenges that were thrust upon me, I realized that in order to survive, I needed to surrender and go with the flow. But that was easier said than done.
How was someone who wasn’t comfortable leaving things to chance, going to accept the possibility of “maybe”? A complete mind shift was required and I was either going to learn this lesson, or go down fighting it.
The serenity prayer teaches to accept the things that cannot be changed, to have the courage to change that things that can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
The biggest challenge for me was learning to accept that I was powerless over certain aspects of my life. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t keep everything neat and tidy. Life is messy! Learning to let go of what I could not change was the key to my transformation.
“As I moved through the challenges that were thrust upon me, I realized that in order to survive, I needed to surrender and go with the flow. But that was easier said than done.”
Accepting that I couldn’t control all outcomes, provided the opportunity to release the fear that came with the uncertainty. Eliminating my fear of the unknown, enabled me to stop worrying about what “may” happen. That required being okay with what may be.
I’m not always the best student so it took some time, but little by little, I released my fears and trusted. I trusted in God. I trusted in the process. I had faith that all would work out for my greater good.
Allison Carmen, in her book, The Gift of Maybe, encourages us to adopt a “Maybe Mindset”, the place where there is the possibility that maybe, just maybe, what is happening will turn out good.
According to Allison, “Maybe is a much broader view of all that is possible even when a given moment is difficult.”
I’m still a control freak and I still like things my way. But, when things don’t go as I planned, now, I’m okay with maybe.