“Momma bear caregiver" is a term often used to describe someone who is fiercely protective and nurturing, particularly in the context of caring for others, especially family members or loved ones. It implies a strong maternal instinct combined with a vigilant and nurturing approach to care giving. Just like a mother bear fiercely protects her cubs, momma bear caregivers go above and beyond to ensure the safety, well-being, and happiness of those they love.
Because of their protective nature, momma bear caregivers want to help. While the momma bear offers advice with the best of intentions, it is not always received the way it was intended. That help, which often comes in the form of unsolicited advice, may seem intrusive or patronizing to others, especially if presented with passion. Sometimes, it can actually be perceived as bullying, especially if it's delivered in a forceful manner.
The definition of bullying is a repeated aggressive behavior intending to harm, intimidate, or dominate others. You may wonder how advice coming from love can resemble bullying. Here's how:
Unsolicited advice may be perceived as an attempt to assert dominance or control over the other person.
It can be seen as disrespectful of their boundaries, similar to how bullies disregard the feelings and autonomy of their targets.
It can erode a person's confidence and self-esteem, making the person feel inadequate or incapable of making their own decisions, similar to the effects of bullying on self-confidence.
It may invalidate the other person's feelings or experiences, dismissing their concerns or struggles, similar to how bullies often belittle their targets.
“Unsolicited advice may be perceived as an attempt to assert dominance or control over the other person.”
Stopping the habit of offering unsolicited advice can be challenging but achievable with practice and self-awareness. Here are some strategies to consider:
Pause and reflect. Before offering advice, pause and ask yourself if it's truly necessary or if the person has asked for your input. Reflect on whether your advice is genuinely helpful or if it's more about your desire to help.
Listen actively. Focus on listening to the other person without immediately jumping in with advice. Pay attention to their needs, concerns, and feelings. Sometimes, people just need someone to listen and validate their experiences rather than offer solutions.
Ask permission. Instead of assuming someone wants your advice, ask if they're open to receiving it. For example, you could say, "Would you like some advice on that?" This gives the other person the opportunity to decline if they prefer to handle the situation on their own.
Empathize and validate. Show empathy and validation before offering advice. Acknowledge the other person's feelings and experiences, and let them know you understand where they're coming from. This can create a more supportive and collaborative environment for discussion.
Respect boundaries. Respect the boundaries of others and refrain from imposing your opinions or solutions on them. Recognize that everyone has their own autonomy and right to make their own choices, even if you disagree with them.
Focus on problem-solving together. If the person does ask for advice, approach it as a collaborative problem-solving effort rather than simply telling them what to do. Offer suggestions and ideas while encouraging them to explore their own solutions and preferences.
Practice empathy. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and consider how they might feel about receiving unsolicited advice. Developing empathy can help you become more sensitive to their perspective and more mindful of your communication style.