Online dating is a big part of the dating world today and is one of the main ways people look for a partner. The Pew Research Center reported that 3 in 10 U.S. adults have used dating apps. When meeting strangers online, how can you be sure the person is legitimate and has your best interests at heart?
Donna Marie Hayes was scammed and robbed of her life’s savings by a man she described as the “love of her life”. When she began the relationship, Donna was at the top of her game. She had a successful career on Wall Street and was starring in her own one woman off Broadway show. The mastermind was not the usual faceless online fraudster, hiding behind a computer screen in a faraway land; rather, he slept beside her for a year and a half, pretending to be in a relationship. She shares her story in the book, These Broken Roads: Scammed and Vindicated: One Woman’s Story.
In a recent conversation, Donna talked about how she fought back and the lessons she learned. Below is some of what she said.
On the relationship:
Our relationship was fantastic. We spent every weekend together. I met his sister, mother, and cousin. We went on trips together. He was at my apartment every weekend. He even carved my initials in his chest. I felt that was my person.
On the reveal:
I didn’t realize it was scam until 18 months later.
On the plan:
it was a well-calculated scam. I believe it was a scam from the beginning.
On being groomed:
When you think of a romance scam, most often it’s someone you’ve never met. Not someone who slept beside you for 18 months, who introduced you to members of his family, who met members of mine. But it was all a smokescreen. I was being groomed.
On protecting yourself:
Go into a new relationship whole and complete in yourself. If you go in a relationship cracked, still suffering from trauma, it makes you more vulnerable.