Written by Pamela W. Brinker, LCSW

Self-love is an invisible connection with our whole beings, experienced or felt in varying ways on different days. It’s akin to our unseen fascia, the unifying tissue surrounding and holding our organs, bones, blood vessels, and muscles together. Like fascia, self-love encases and stabilizes us. But even more, it holds and warms us.

Our thoughts work against us at times, questioning, even doubting, our self-love. So, when we are able to experience it, the awareness often comes through our hearts, intuition, bodies and energy, radiating from our deepest essences or souls. It’s sometimes a challenge to convince our minds of self-love, in fact, when we’re out of our minds, grounded in our entire beingness, it’s almost easier to experience it.

Self-love includes valuing our bodies as they are today, these changing containers we’ve been given for our true selves. When we truly love ourselves, we can cherish our bodies as they are right now. Not how they could be. Not how they used to be. Our bodies change yearly, even monthly. Self-love is the unconditional, wise grace that embraces those changes without criticism.

If you notice that you’re putting yourself down, try seeing yourself as your dearest friend or treasured family member. Pay attention to the harsh things you’re saying to yourself, then backspace and delete them. Replace with phrases that are unconditionally kind. Make these words not mere affirmations, because cognitive reframes aren’t enough; bring the truth of the absolute love that is your very nature into your body and whole-being. Try strolling around a room you’re in with your hands on your heart and belly, consciously breathing into your whole-being with awareness of the love from within. Exhale into the love that surrounds you - your energy - and give yourself a hug.

We often get hung up believing that we are what we do, how we look, or how we act. Those are expressions of ourselves but are not our true selves. We are integrated beings; that is who and what we are. Self-love is remembering our being-ness, personifying who we truly are and living that incarnation. Self-love is not an intention or even a commitment to love ourselves, although those help. It is activating and exemplifying the innate love we were born with, for ourselves.

Additionally, we connect to something greater with this love: to God, nature or the universe, so it is an unconditional emanation sourcing the highest love accessible. It is consciously empowering then, to counter our culture, go against the societal grain, and remember who we truly are. To love ourselves, deeply and completely.

Pamela Brinker is a psychotherapist who has developed tools and practices to teach conscious bravery. She is a speaker and trainer who has taught and led groups and workshops on a variety of themes including motivation, grief, mental health, conscious bravery, addiction, and dream work. She is the author of the book, Conscious Bravery.